A maiden at college, named Breeze,
Weighed down by B.A.s and M.D.s,
Collapsed from the strain.
Said her doctor: 'it's plain
You are killing yourself by degrees!'

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A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican,
He can take in his beak,
Enough food for a week,
But I'm damned if I know how the helican.

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There was an old man from Darjeeling,
Who boarded a bus bound for Ealing.
He saw on the door:
'Please don't spit on the floor',
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.

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There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

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There once was a lady, Eileen,
Who lived on distilled kerosene.
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then she's never benzene.

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There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

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There once was a poet named Dan,
Whose poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said 'Yes, I know,'
'It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can!'

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There was an announcer named Herschel
Whose habits became controversial,
Because when out wooing,
Whatever he was doing,
At ten he'd insert his commercial.

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There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass,
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think...
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

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There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so uncommonly thin
That when she assayed
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in.